The Bullet of Marriage: Pursuing More
My own personal feeling is that my marriage has to be toward the top 10% of those that are successful, yet, I have a continual earnestness to excel even more. My own counseling experience and the testimony of scores of colleagues betrays the bitter truth that most marriages are characterized by the tragedy of “satisfied boredom!”
Our insane, blind, misguided and flesh-oriented culture shouts continually that physical ecstasy alone is to be pursued as love’s highest goal. This is the great lie perpetrated about love and marriage. What every husband and wife hungers for most is soul and spirit ecstasy. This unbelievable adventure can only ultimately be experienced when a husband and wife are one with another and one with God. That and that alone is the climax of marriage as God intended it to be.
Jesus Christ died and rose from the dead to give every marriage on earth his resurrection power. Oh, that husbands and wives would have the courage to return to the freshness of their initial love, to feed it with the Truth of God’s Word, to be honest about one another’s needs and to yield to the power of the Holy Spirit.
That hardest mountain a man is ever called on to climb is the one of triumphant intimacy with his wife. I hope you haven’t given up the climb … I haven’t, and although I’m not at the top, the view already is spiritually intoxicating!
A marriage can be the closest thing to heaven or hell on earth. I pray for each of my dear readers now strength for the climb. God’s plan is for the husband to be the primary initiator of a deeper relationship. Most men who are faithful to do this find their wives response exceeds their highest hopes.
Indescribably exhilarating of joy, purpose and fulfillment is the prize for those who keep climbing for the top of the mountain!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Bullet of Marriage: God’s Plan
Next to knowing God, and provided that He has not given you the gift for the single life, the most thrilling and intoxicating experience on earth is God’s intention for husbands and wives.
As my knowledge of the Scripture deepens, as the years enrich my experience and as I taste more abundantly the power of the Spirit, the revelation of God’s fantastic plan for a man and woman literally blows my mind.
In Genesis 2:25 we read that Adam and Eve were naked and were not ashamed. This speaks of far more than the absence of clothing. God’s plan for husbands and wives was that they might experience a total openness, absolute honesty and soul transparency.
The explosive power of a man and wife who share a mutual vision, feed on one another’s love and who grow in soul oneness together can only be experienced and not defined.
Next to knowing God, and provided that He has not given you the gift for the single life, the most thrilling and intoxicating experience on earth is God’s intention for husbands and wives.
As my knowledge of the Scripture deepens, as the years enrich my experience and as I taste more abundantly the power of the Spirit, the revelation of God’s fantastic plan for a man and woman literally blows my mind.
In Genesis 2:25 we read that Adam and Eve were naked and were not ashamed. This speaks of far more than the absence of clothing. God’s plan for husbands and wives was that they might experience a total openness, absolute honesty and soul transparency.
The explosive power of a man and wife who share a mutual vision, feed on one another’s love and who grow in soul oneness together can only be experienced and not defined.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Bullet of Communication
In our last post we examined levels five through three of John Powell’s five levels of communication. Today we look at the last two levels:
“Level Two: My Feelings or Emotions.” Now the person shares how he feels about facts, ideas and judgments. The feelings underneath these areas are revealed. If a person is to really share himself with another individual, he must get to the level of sharing his feelings.
“Level One: Complete Emotional and Personal Truthful Communication.” All deep relationships, especially marriage relationships, must be based on absolute openness and honesty. This may be difficult to achieve because it involves a risk – the risk of being rejected because of our honesty, but it is vital for relationships to grow in marriage. There will be times when this type of communication is achieved and other times when the communication is not as complete as it could be.
Jesus Christ was the greatest communicator who ever lived. No one will ever learn to communicate without putting himself or herself under the teaching and authority of the Master Communicator. The heart of the good news of Jesus Christ is that He wants to help us communicate. Great results can’t be achieved overnight, but just beginning is a delicious experience. Any marriage is repairable if the time and the tools are available. Most couples have the time but are frustrated because their tools are inadequate. It’s like trying to drive a large nail into a two-by-four with a shoe instead of a hammer! The power and the teachings of Jesus are the tools that have been most effective in healing the scores of marriages I’ve dealt with. When marriages fail, I can’t help but question, “I wonder what tools they were using?” Begin today to use God’s tool to open, honest communication to deepen your marriage. You’ll be glad you did.
In our last post we examined levels five through three of John Powell’s five levels of communication. Today we look at the last two levels:
“Level Two: My Feelings or Emotions.” Now the person shares how he feels about facts, ideas and judgments. The feelings underneath these areas are revealed. If a person is to really share himself with another individual, he must get to the level of sharing his feelings.
“Level One: Complete Emotional and Personal Truthful Communication.” All deep relationships, especially marriage relationships, must be based on absolute openness and honesty. This may be difficult to achieve because it involves a risk – the risk of being rejected because of our honesty, but it is vital for relationships to grow in marriage. There will be times when this type of communication is achieved and other times when the communication is not as complete as it could be.
Jesus Christ was the greatest communicator who ever lived. No one will ever learn to communicate without putting himself or herself under the teaching and authority of the Master Communicator. The heart of the good news of Jesus Christ is that He wants to help us communicate. Great results can’t be achieved overnight, but just beginning is a delicious experience. Any marriage is repairable if the time and the tools are available. Most couples have the time but are frustrated because their tools are inadequate. It’s like trying to drive a large nail into a two-by-four with a shoe instead of a hammer! The power and the teachings of Jesus are the tools that have been most effective in healing the scores of marriages I’ve dealt with. When marriages fail, I can’t help but question, “I wonder what tools they were using?” Begin today to use God’s tool to open, honest communication to deepen your marriage. You’ll be glad you did.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Bullet of Communication
Based on my years of experience in counseling families and the comments of all the experts I’ve ever read on the subject, I would say without question that the major problem in marriage is not … repeat … is not finances, sex, children, location, vocation or health! The greatest problem and major stumbling block to joyous family living is the lack of effective communication. Marriage is an intimate relationship built on mutual understanding, but, in order to truly understand another person, you must be able to communicate with him. A husband and wife can know a great deal about each other without knowing one another.
Definition: Communication is the process that allows people to know each other, to relate to one another, and to understand the true meaning of the other person’s life.
Author John Powell lists five levels of communication in his fine book entitled, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am.
“Level Five: Cliché Conversation.” This type of talk is very safe. We use words such as, “How are you?” “How is your family?” “Where have you been?” “I like your suit.” In this type of conversation there is no personal sharing. Each person remains safely behind his screen.
“Level Four: Reporting the Facts About Others.” In this kind of conversation we are content to tell others what someone else has said, but we offer no personal commentary on these facts. We just report the facts like the five o’clock news each day. We share gossip and little narrations, but we do not commit ourselves or share our feelings about it.
“Level Three: My Ideas and Judgments.” This is where some real communication begins. The person is willing to step out of his solitary confinement and risk telling some of his ideas and decisions. However, he is still cautious and is quick to retreat if he senses that what he is saying is not being accepted.
In our next post we will continue exploring the last two levels of communication where true openness can occur.
Based on my years of experience in counseling families and the comments of all the experts I’ve ever read on the subject, I would say without question that the major problem in marriage is not … repeat … is not finances, sex, children, location, vocation or health! The greatest problem and major stumbling block to joyous family living is the lack of effective communication. Marriage is an intimate relationship built on mutual understanding, but, in order to truly understand another person, you must be able to communicate with him. A husband and wife can know a great deal about each other without knowing one another.
Definition: Communication is the process that allows people to know each other, to relate to one another, and to understand the true meaning of the other person’s life.
Author John Powell lists five levels of communication in his fine book entitled, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am.
“Level Five: Cliché Conversation.” This type of talk is very safe. We use words such as, “How are you?” “How is your family?” “Where have you been?” “I like your suit.” In this type of conversation there is no personal sharing. Each person remains safely behind his screen.
“Level Four: Reporting the Facts About Others.” In this kind of conversation we are content to tell others what someone else has said, but we offer no personal commentary on these facts. We just report the facts like the five o’clock news each day. We share gossip and little narrations, but we do not commit ourselves or share our feelings about it.
“Level Three: My Ideas and Judgments.” This is where some real communication begins. The person is willing to step out of his solitary confinement and risk telling some of his ideas and decisions. However, he is still cautious and is quick to retreat if he senses that what he is saying is not being accepted.
In our next post we will continue exploring the last two levels of communication where true openness can occur.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Grandfather Love
I want to share the following with you as Father’s Day approaches!
“With all the confessions of preachers in the news I’ve decided to do the same. Just because God created the attraction between male and female I can’t blame it on Him. I thought I was too old to fall in love again but I discovered I didn’t know my weakness.
I had always considered myself to be contentedly settled, assured and experienced. How, then, could this stranger come along and bewitch me so completely?
I never believed in love at first sight until, most unexpectedly and bewilderingly, it happened to me. From the moment I first saw her, it was as though her eyes entered my heart and pierced clear through to my soul. What else could it be but love?
She should have known that I was a happily married, contentedly middle-aged man. But she was beautiful and, oh, how she knew it … and she used that beauty to overwhelm me. I tried to ignore the feelings she stirred in me, but with each day that passed, I knew I was becoming a captive to her charm. I was under her spell completely!
She had so many enchanting moods: She was happy, sad, sweet, cute, pouty, serious, funny, and flirtatious. Each mood followed the other in dizzying succession. And each was effective … helplessly I reacted to each in exactly the manner she expected.
I tried to appear blasé about our relationship; however, that was clearly a façade, and my friends saw through it instantly. Even my wife became aware of the new object of my affections. Surprisingly, she was more tolerant about what was happening than I would have expected. She even seemed to share my excitement over this new woman in my life. This, I might add, immediately gave our marriage a whole new dimension.
Where will it all lead? It’s hard to say. I though the thrill of this new relationship would be soon gone. And yet, several years have passed since she first entered my life, and I am still helplessly smitten. Each time I see her she is more bewitching, and each time she finds a new way to claim my heart. It used to be just a shy glance or a gesture. Now she is bolder and offers me a touch with her little hand, a hug, an occasional kiss on the check. I would gladly giver her the world at such moments.
I guess it’s possible that our relationship is just a figment of my imagination, as she has never spoken to me of love. And yet, when I look at the pretty, dimpled face, when I gaze into her blue, shining eyes, I know in my hearth that she is thinking … ‘I love you Grandpa!’”
I owe the above to author Jack. D. Minzey. I don’t know him but I know he knows the heart of a grandfather!
Illustration: "The Favorite" by Georgios Iakovidis
I want to share the following with you as Father’s Day approaches!
“With all the confessions of preachers in the news I’ve decided to do the same. Just because God created the attraction between male and female I can’t blame it on Him. I thought I was too old to fall in love again but I discovered I didn’t know my weakness.
I had always considered myself to be contentedly settled, assured and experienced. How, then, could this stranger come along and bewitch me so completely?
I never believed in love at first sight until, most unexpectedly and bewilderingly, it happened to me. From the moment I first saw her, it was as though her eyes entered my heart and pierced clear through to my soul. What else could it be but love?
She should have known that I was a happily married, contentedly middle-aged man. But she was beautiful and, oh, how she knew it … and she used that beauty to overwhelm me. I tried to ignore the feelings she stirred in me, but with each day that passed, I knew I was becoming a captive to her charm. I was under her spell completely!
She had so many enchanting moods: She was happy, sad, sweet, cute, pouty, serious, funny, and flirtatious. Each mood followed the other in dizzying succession. And each was effective … helplessly I reacted to each in exactly the manner she expected.
I tried to appear blasé about our relationship; however, that was clearly a façade, and my friends saw through it instantly. Even my wife became aware of the new object of my affections. Surprisingly, she was more tolerant about what was happening than I would have expected. She even seemed to share my excitement over this new woman in my life. This, I might add, immediately gave our marriage a whole new dimension.
Where will it all lead? It’s hard to say. I though the thrill of this new relationship would be soon gone. And yet, several years have passed since she first entered my life, and I am still helplessly smitten. Each time I see her she is more bewitching, and each time she finds a new way to claim my heart. It used to be just a shy glance or a gesture. Now she is bolder and offers me a touch with her little hand, a hug, an occasional kiss on the check. I would gladly giver her the world at such moments.
I guess it’s possible that our relationship is just a figment of my imagination, as she has never spoken to me of love. And yet, when I look at the pretty, dimpled face, when I gaze into her blue, shining eyes, I know in my hearth that she is thinking … ‘I love you Grandpa!’”
I owe the above to author Jack. D. Minzey. I don’t know him but I know he knows the heart of a grandfather!
Illustration: "The Favorite" by Georgios Iakovidis
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Bullet of Marriage: Building Something Larger (Part 3)
In every marriage both mates must go to the cross again and again for one another. Usually one mate will have to go to the cross more often because he or she is the stronger. Balance is rare! Marriage is the perfect object lesson on how Jesus Christ (the stronger) goes to the cross more often than you (the weaker) in your relationship with Him. Remember, the main object of marriage is not your happiness, but to discover the character of God!
It is the character of God alone to which humanity can look with hope. His character is that of divine love. Divine love always seeks to give itself to those in need. One of the greatest verses on marriage is Romans 15:1, “Those who are stronger should bear with those who are weak!” Thousands of marriages would still be together today if husbands and wives had believed that truth. It they had only discovered that their marriages’ first priority was to teach them about God, and not to satisfy themselves, they would have found happiness together.
If your marriage is losing its adventure perhaps you’ve missed the point of why the Father thought it up! It locks us in to loving another person like He loved us … unconditionally! Have you been to the cross for your mate lately?
In every marriage both mates must go to the cross again and again for one another. Usually one mate will have to go to the cross more often because he or she is the stronger. Balance is rare! Marriage is the perfect object lesson on how Jesus Christ (the stronger) goes to the cross more often than you (the weaker) in your relationship with Him. Remember, the main object of marriage is not your happiness, but to discover the character of God!
It is the character of God alone to which humanity can look with hope. His character is that of divine love. Divine love always seeks to give itself to those in need. One of the greatest verses on marriage is Romans 15:1, “Those who are stronger should bear with those who are weak!” Thousands of marriages would still be together today if husbands and wives had believed that truth. It they had only discovered that their marriages’ first priority was to teach them about God, and not to satisfy themselves, they would have found happiness together.
If your marriage is losing its adventure perhaps you’ve missed the point of why the Father thought it up! It locks us in to loving another person like He loved us … unconditionally! Have you been to the cross for your mate lately?
Thursday, June 05, 2008
The Bullet of Marriage: Building Something Larger (Part 2)
The man must initiate the direction! Strong women demand greater leadership. A marriage will not conquer if the husband is passive and content only with his personal goals. God has called them to build a heritage “together!”
Recognizing this and strategizing to move in the right direction is the basic issue of the “call of God.” You start from where you are … with all past mistakes and present agonies … and don’t quit as long as you love … no matter on how many “cross experiences” you have to hang!
Your mate’s weakness is rarely, if ever, reason enough to justify your weak response. Christ responded to our weakness not by being weak (staying in Heaven or refusing to die on earth), but in strength by going to the cross!
The man must initiate the direction! Strong women demand greater leadership. A marriage will not conquer if the husband is passive and content only with his personal goals. God has called them to build a heritage “together!”
Recognizing this and strategizing to move in the right direction is the basic issue of the “call of God.” You start from where you are … with all past mistakes and present agonies … and don’t quit as long as you love … no matter on how many “cross experiences” you have to hang!
Your mate’s weakness is rarely, if ever, reason enough to justify your weak response. Christ responded to our weakness not by being weak (staying in Heaven or refusing to die on earth), but in strength by going to the cross!
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Bullet of Marriage: Building Something Larger (Part 1)
Why are almost half of all marriages ending in divorce? Even many couples who “make it” by staying together live far below their expectations.
What destroys most partners in the absence of a mutual great passion and plan to be used by God. Their ambitions are too small! They share no great purpose beyond raising their children, affluence and pleasure. Their goals are too small to embrace reality. They fall into the trap of using one another rather than being used of God together! Powerful and romantic love cannot be built around routine activities of the flesh. Even great human achievements in medicine, science, politics, business, etc., “come to nothing” (Psalm 112:10), unless purely aimed at the glory of God!
Why are almost half of all marriages ending in divorce? Even many couples who “make it” by staying together live far below their expectations.
What destroys most partners in the absence of a mutual great passion and plan to be used by God. Their ambitions are too small! They share no great purpose beyond raising their children, affluence and pleasure. Their goals are too small to embrace reality. They fall into the trap of using one another rather than being used of God together! Powerful and romantic love cannot be built around routine activities of the flesh. Even great human achievements in medicine, science, politics, business, etc., “come to nothing” (Psalm 112:10), unless purely aimed at the glory of God!
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