Bullets for the Battle

We Must Recognize the Power and Purpose of Relationship Failures

All people, Christians included, experience continuous relationship failure. It especially happens in the family … marriage, children, in-laws, parents, etc. … and then trickles or gushes out to friends, employers, fellow employees, professional relationships, casual acquaintances, service personnel, members of “your church,” leaders of all sorts, etc. Why? For at least four inescapable reasons: 1) the sin energy in you and them, 2) the sin energy of the world’s fallen culture, 3) the sin energy abetted by the demonic. The fourth “reason” could be because 4) God has allowed “sin energy,” but we must quickly state that He Himself is never the source of anything evil or sinful (James 1:13).

A stunning revelation to me as I examined Scripture on relationships was the family tensions and conflicts that weighed down, discouraged and absorbed so many of the Father’s chosen leaders. These people are the “greats” of the Bible, yet their Relationship Failures are ever with them. Let’s look at a few and be amazed.

Adam just sat there passively and observed Eve being fast talked and deceived by the Serpent. Adam backpedaled from responsibility for his wife even though he knew the truth from God as well as she did. Even after he chose to eat the fruit with her, he blamed Eve when God called him on it. Adam and Eve stayed married and had kids and continued in their creation purpose yet there is a huge “but”! When a wife is not protected by her husband’s leadership and then is blamed when his action or inaction causes deep problems, there is only one way to define it: Failed Relationships.

Abraham and Sarah had been holding on to the promise of God to give them a child for over twenty years … (Twenty Years!) … and still nothing had happened. No promised son had been born to them. Didn’t God realize [sic] their age and that time was running out? Did this tension and test bring them closer together to “refocus” on God’s Word? No! Sarah hatched her own plan. She decided on her own to use Hagar, her maid, and do God’s will Sarah’s way. Abraham went along with it! Was he too passive? Despairing? Wanting to please Sarah? A brief time of emotional weakness? (Rom. 4:20). Was it a sudden demonic attack of self-pity or “it’s not worth it” despair? Or was it a “this is my last chance” philosophy? Whatever! The deed was done. The creation of the flesh was born! Conflict from the boy child began immediately. It has continued for 4,000 years reaching a crescendo even today, in our generation, in the Middle East. Think of Abraham and Sarah’s regrets today over their experience of Failed Relationship. Their Ishmael father of the Arabs and their Isaac father of Israel continue in bitter conflict to this day. Together they chose their actions over God’s promise and their “togetherness” was never the same.

Job is certainly one of Scripture’s greatest heroes. No one else had it made, then lost it all, endured untold mental and physical sufferings, agonized for spiritual answers and finally “put” it all back together again better than ever as well as Job. One of the greatest lessons from his story is that he was “the battlefield” of a contest between the Godhead and Satan and Job didn’t even know it! You’d think that a man like this … so loved, used, vindicated and blessed by the Father … would have had a great marriage to sustain him. Mrs. Job should be proud, honored and recognized. She was married to one of God’s great stars, chosen to be the ultimate human example of what a man who suffers yet who truly trusted God looks like. You can just see Mrs. Job standing there with Job by the ash heap, guitar in hand, singing “I’ll Stand By My Man”!

But no! It wasn’t that way! She had born all of Job’s kids, watched him grow and manage his fortune and had put up with all his spiritual talk for years. She knew what hypocrites most religious people were. She desired Job should “be practical,” quit whining over his problems and give up all this spiritual dialogue with his redneck friends. She knew they didn’t need to pray together about his health either. It was a lost cause! To put all this in one encompassing phrase, the Scripture has Mrs. Job … in “supposed” love, concern, spiritual insight and encouragement … utter the following words to her husband: “Why do you insist on holding on to your faith? It’s not working! Just bless and curse God for His betrayal and then die!” Job told her that the wise accept both good and evil in their created life and the Lord has a purposed control for it!

It’s obvious to anyone who can read between the lines that Mr. and Mrs. Job had some work to do on their mutual faith and vision. We are forced to call theirs a Failed Relationship.

There is so much more: Isaac and Rebekah over Esau and Jacob; Jacob over Leah and Rachel; Judah and Tamar; Samuel and his sons; David and Absalom; Hosea and Gomer; etc. Rich insight is gained from how those who love God were all victims of Failed Relationships. King David nailed it with one all-encompassing statement in Psalm 60:11-12: “Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies.”

Whatever is not of God in our lives is “our enemy.” The evil of the world, the deceptions of the demonic, other people and, above all, we can be our own worst enemy. To look to any other person for what the Godhead has reserved to Himself to give is a worthless and vain pursuit. We must grow in maturity to see that all failed relationships on earth are simply pointers to that one relationship that will not … cannot … fail. We should continue in joy and praise through all failed relationships … rejection, hurt, sadness, misunderstanding, betrayal, loneliness, emptiness, seeming hopelessness, etc. … and keep coming back to find new depth in the non-failing relationship we can have with our Lord.

Relationship with Him … our Creator-Redeemer-Perfecter … trumps all others. This alone is the relationship that will lead us to overcome all things (John 16:33). Asaph, one of the great Psalm writers of Israel, must have learned the lesson of Failed Relationships. Let us all ponder well his Spirit inspired words in Psalm 73:25-26. Let us seek first in everything “Jesus Only.”

Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.